Friday, May 22, 2026

Graduation Wednesday Morning May 20

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shackAnd you may find yourself in another part of the worldAnd you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobileAnd you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wifeAnd you may ask yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me downLetting the days go by, water flowing undergroundInto the blue again, after the money's goneOnce in a lifetime, water flowing underground

Reason why

 "Story makes us more alive, more human, more courageous, more loving. Why does anybody tell a story? It does indeed have something to do with faith, faith that our universe has meaning, that our little human lives are not irrelevant, that what we choose or say or do matters, matters cosmically." 

– Madeleine L'Engle, The Rock That is Higher 

Monday, March 23, 2026

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Music

January 27, 2026: 

In my aesthetic education philosophy class, this week’s weekly exercise was to “Listen to your surroundings. Attend more closely to the sounds around you throughout the week. What sounds do you notice?”


Wednesday, October 01, 2025

First time I've burst into tears upon a hearing a song start?

 "And She Was" by Talking Heads, performed by David Byrne & his huge band @ Radio City Hall 10/01/2025. 

Because FIRST of all HOW lucky am I to be alive to see David Byrne performing on a stage with my own two eyes and my own breathing lungs? 

And what could be more wonderful than music—the most infectious type of music, at that—filling a gigantic room after a conversational talking interlude? Your breath still catches even after that interlude gave away what song was coming next. And she was lying in the grass... 

And what makes the music so infectious and ALIVE if not what we each bring to it? The face of someone you loved, the memory of what someone told you once, the way they all felt when they were 24 and the way I feel right now. 

How could I possibly keep myself from tears when the guy (probably somewhere in his 60s) next to me could not barely contain himself in his seat (it wasn't time for standing and dancing quite yet—we were in the second mezzanine)?

So many people in a room so happy to be there. So happy for one person to have existed and so happy for the art having been made. Music is magic. It's alive 


Saturday, September 20, 2025

from Give Me The Splendid, Silent Sun

Keep your splendid, silent sun;                                   

Keep your woods, O Nature, and the quiet places by the woods;
Keep your fields of clover and timothy, and your corn-fields and
        orchards;
Keep the blossoming buckwheat fields, where the Ninth-month bees hum;
Give me faces and streets! give me these phantoms incessant and
        endless along the trottoirs!
Give me interminable eyes! give me women! give me comrades and lovers
        by the thousand!
Let me see new ones every day! let me hold new ones by the hand every
        day!
Give me such shows! give me the streets of Manhattan!
Give me Broadway, with the soldiers marching—give me the sound of
       the trumpets and drums!
(The soldiers in companies or regiments—some, starting away, flush'd
        and reckless;
Some, their time up, returning, with thinn'd ranks—young, yet very
        old, worn, marching, noticing nothing                     

—Give me the shores and the wharves heavy-fringed with the black
        ships!
O such for me! O an intense life! O full to repletion, and varied!
The life of the theatre, bar-room, huge hotel, for me!
The saloon of the steamer! the crowded excursion for me! the torch-
        light procession!
The dense brigade, bound for the war, with high piled military wagons
        following;
People, endless, streaming, with strong voices, passions, pageants;
Manhattan streets, with their powerful throbs, with the beating
        drums, as now;
The endless and noisy chorus, the rustle and clank of muskets, (even
        the sight of the wounded
Manhattan crowds, with their turbulent musical chorus—with varied
        chorus, and light of the sparkling eyes;
Manhattan faces and eyes forever for me. 


-- Walt Whitman 

Sunday, April 06, 2025

Just saw John Proctor is the Villain on Broadway (I'm different now)



From this interview: Kimberly Belflower on the origins of John Proctor is the Villain

ALH: Do you want to say anything about The Crucible? The space it holds in English classes or the American Theatre? 

KB: I mean, I always make sure to say that I don’t think The Crucible is a bad play. Arthur Miller is a really fucking great writer. The play is less about me being “down with The Crucible” and more about being interested in the way that The Crucible is being simplified and then passed on—because that’s what the lesson plans are and that’s what the curriculum is. #MeToo pushed people to really look at which systems we’re handing down, systems that we get trapped in and don’t know how to imagine things outside of—The Crucible seems emblematic of that to me. 

Wednesday, February 05, 2025

Tuesday, January 21, 2025

Maddie's Media of 2024

 

Defining albums: 

  • Heaven or Las Vegas – Cocteau Twins 

Defining songs: 

  • Want You Back – Haim 
  • Pictures of You – The Cure 
  • Modern Girl – Bleachers 
  • 1901 – Phoenix 
  • Nothing Compares 2 U – Prince 
  • Lisztomania – Phoenix 
  • This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody)  – Talking Heads 
  • TV in the Gas Pump – Wednesday 
  • What I Like – Charli XCX 
  • Out on the Town – fun. 
  • Stars – fun. 
  • Here's Where The Story Ends – The Sundays 
  • Alesis – Mk.gee
  • Dream Police – Mk.gee
  • Black Sheep – Metric, Brie Larson 
  • Ruby – Hovvdy 
  • Fear of Intimacy – Zack Villere 
  • Walcott – Vampire Weekend
  • Defying Gravity – Original Broadway Cast 
  • Forever – Hovvdy 
  • You're Not The Only One I Know – The Sundays 
  • Perfect Day – Lou Reed
  • She's American – The 1975
  • Dancing On My Own – Robyn 
  • When He Sees Me – Kimiko Glenn 
  • I Want – Mk.gee
  • Meant – Hovvdy 
  • Portrait – Hovvdy 
  • Slug – Matt Champion 
  • Heaven or Las Vegas – Cocteau Twins 
  • Classical – Vampire Weekend 
  • we can't be friends – Ariana Grande
  • so american  – Olivia Rodrigo 
  • Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy) – The 1975
  • I LUV IT  – Camilla Cabello 
  • Right Back to It  – Waxahatchee, MJ Lenderman 
  • Down Bad – Taylor Swift 
  • The Tortured Poets Department – Taylor Swift 
  • Fresh Out The Slammer – Taylor Swift 
  • Guilty as Sin? – Taylor Swift 
  • Yeah x10 – Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross 
  • Everything is Embarrassing – Sky Ferreira 
  • 360 – Charli xcx
  • So Far (It's Alright) – The 1975
  • Us – Regina Spektor
  • Soup – Remi Wolf 
  • Beaches – beabadoobee 
  • Red Wine Supernova  – Chappell Roan 
  • My Kink Is Karma – Chappell Roan 
  • Talk talk – Charli xcx
  • Everything is romantic – Charli xcx
  • Sympathy is a knife – Charli xcx
  • 365 – Charli xcx
  • The Alchemy – Taylor Swift
  • You're Not The One – Sky Ferreira 
  • Sunburned and Unkissed – Caroline Polachek 
  • #GETITRIGHT – Miley Cyrus
  • Hits Different – Taylor Swift 
  • Infinity Repeating – Daft Punk, Julian Casablancas 
  • Crimson and Clover – A. G. Cook
  • DUBBLE BUBBLE – Zack Villere, 454
  • Like a Prayer – Madonna 
  • Anthems For A Seventeen Year Old Girl – Broken Social Scene
  • BIRDS OF A FEATHER – Billie Eilish 
  • She's Leaving You – MJ Lenderman
  • the boy is mine – Ariana Grande
  • Sharpest Tool – Sabrina Carpenter
  • Juno – Sabrina Carpenter
  • Bodyguard – Beyonce 
  • Nomad – Clairo
  • Holy Ground – Taylor Swift 
  • F.N.T. – Semisonic
  • Crash – Charli xcx
  • Isn't It So Convenient – Mk.gee
  • like the wind – McKinney, backjarron
  • Wristwatch – MJ Lenderman
  • You Don't Know The Shape I'm In – MJ Lenderman 
  • Jet – One Hand Clapping Version  – Paul McCartney, Wings
  • Dancing Crazy – Miranda Cosgrove
  • The Fields – Nourished by Time
  • Capricorn – Vampire Weekend
  • Basketball #2 – MJ Lenderman
  • Diet Pepsi – Addison Rae 
  • party 4 u – Charli xcx
  • OKAY – JT
  • Clean – Hovvdy 
  • Kate Spade – Coco & Clair Clair 
  • Consideration – Rihanna, SZA
  • I Wouldn't Ask You – Clairo 
  • Clones (We're All) – Alice Cooper
  • Madison – backjarron, Orphy
  • No One Mourns the Wicked  – Ariana Grande
  • The Wizard and I – Cynthia Erivo 
  • What Is This Feeling? – Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo
  • One Short Day – Ariana Grande, Cynthia Erivo
  • Losing You – Solange  

Defining movies: 

  • S

Defining books: 

  • S

Defining moments: 




Saturday, December 28, 2024

To Begin With, The Sweet Grass

by Mary Oliver
I.
Will the hungry ox stand in the field and not eat
of the sweet grass?
Will the owl bite off its own wings?
Will the lark forget to lift its body in the air or
forget to sing?
Will the rivers run upstream?


Behold, I say—behold
the reliability and the finery and the teachings
of this gritty earth gift.

II.
Eat bread and understand comfort.
Drink water, and understand delight.
Visit the garden where the scarlet trumpets
are opening their bodies for the hummingbirds
who are drinking the sweetness, who are
thrillingly gluttonous.

For one thing leads to another.
Soon you will notice how stones shine underfoot.
Eventually tides will be the only calendar you believe in.

And someone’s face, whom you love, will be as a star
both intimate and ultimate,
and you will be both heart-shaken and respectful.

And you will hear the air itself, like a beloved, whisper:
oh, let me, for a while longer, enter the two
beautiful bodies of your lungs.

III.
The witchery of living
is my whole conversation
with you, my darlings.
All I can tell you is what I know.

Look, and look again.
This world is not just a little thrill for the eyes.

It’s more than bones.
It’s more than the delicate wrist with its personal pulse.
It’s more than the beating of the single heart.
It’s praising.
It’s giving until the giving feels like receiving.
You have a life—just imagine that!
You have this day, and maybe another, and maybe
still another.


IV.
Someday I am going to ask my friend Paulus,
the dancer, the potter,
to make me a begging bowl
which I believe
my soul needs.

And if I come to you,
to the door of your comfortable house
with unwashed clothes and unclean fingernails,
will you put something into it?

I would like to take this chance.
I would like to give you this chance.

V.
We do one thing or another; we stay the same, or we
change.
Congratulations, if
you have changed.

VI.
Let me ask you this.
Do you also think that beauty exists for some
fabulous reason?


And, if you have not been enchanted by this adventure—
your life—
what would do for you?

VII.
What I loved in the beginning, I think, was mostly myself.
Never mind that I had to, since somebody had to.
That was many years ago.
Since then I have gone out from my confinements,
though with difficulty.
I mean the ones that thought to rule my heart.
I cast them out, I put them on the mush pile.
They will be nourishment somehow (everything is nourishment
somehow or another).

And I have become the child of the clouds, and of hope.
I have become the friend of the enemy, whoever that is.
I have become older and, cherishing what I have learned,
I have become younger.

And what do I risk to tell you this, which is all I know?

Love yourself.  Then forget it.  Then, love the world. 

LIFE CHANGING!!!!

Monday, November 25, 2024

story as truth inspo quotes / in defense of the fantastical

re: my English Methods project / re: Barry's take on YA in Arts and Crafts after class last Tuesday / re: my general proclivity for and deep belief in story that you, dear blog, know so well: 

Madeleine L'Engle quotes:
    “Stories make us more alive, more human, more courageous, more loving”
    “Some things have to be believed to be seen”
    “Our truest response to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such             
    response do we find truth.”
    “True story calls us to be part of the universe”
Story conveys truth, and the truth conveyed by story goes beyond that of mere facts.” - Erika RS
“Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” – Neil Gaiman (story as more than true)
“It has to do with empathy. It has to do with being comfortable with the notion that the world is complicated and full of grays, but there’s still truth there to be found, and that you have to strive for that and work for that. And the notion that it’s possible to connect with some[one] else even though they’re very different from you.” – Obama
“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”     ― Albert Einstein 
and, of course: “For me, I think fiction is as close as I can get to truth… Going into the unknown - she’s engaging not only with her own imagination, but she is also inviting us to be a part of it. Toni Morrison - the 'dancing of the minds' - happens between the reader and the writer. Someone in a different part of the world can read a piece and feel something for it and understand something about it." – Helena Maria Viramontes



Tuesday, November 19, 2024

Gonna start crying (yes my period started today) / love letter to Dr. Vinz

about to tear up because oh my gosh what an honor it is to be writing an email to Ruth about my goals as a learner and teacher – essentially, my goals to become just like her. 

what an honor it is – how lucky I am – to get to sit in a classroom where the MOTHER of narrative research is walking us through how to learn and how to wonder and how to let it inform our understandings of how to teach. 

golllllly I am lucky. this is why education rocks

Tuesday, October 29, 2024

Quotes from Ruth's "Un-Disciplining the Terrains of Literatures' Possibilities" Chapter that I want to hold onto

"In our desire to “teach” literature, we have “disciplined” literary texts and shaped the relationalities between text and reader. What types of un-disciplining might allow texts to become subjects of exploration rather than objects of study? What if the text is the subjectan opening for readers to experience and journey through a text? Serendipitous wanderings, the sensations of immediacy or vividness in description, stepping into an unfamiliar landscape, walking at the side of a writer who points to dimensions of the world that have gone unnoticed before—these are the interpretive practices that encourage a nearly impossible-to-put-into-words flicker and glow of a meaningful reading experience."

"...but the point is: think about one novel, play or poem that has never left you, the traces of felt-sense, the roar of sensations that unmoor and unsteady your complacencies, the potential of words to lift you from the words, the page, and move you across space, time and circumstance. This is my hope in facilitating engagements with literature—even just one such poem, one text that has staying power, vibrantly alive in the body/mind to matter in one's life. This poem or story, its word, images, imaginings, does not exist but its very tissue is a mattering produced when reader and text converge." 

"My hope is to be part of experiences where literature matters, where reading matters, where a poem or a story causes us to float out of our shoes, rise from terra firma to imagine, feel, and experience (other)wise.

Friday, October 18, 2024

I'm living my dream life

I want to drink Diet Coke & learn at a school foreverrrrrrrr. 

 I'm so thankful I get to live my dream life where I get to live here & drink Diet Coke before class & learn in a school & be all giddy thinking about the discussions that we'll have in class. 

🎶I want to be a part of it🎶

 New York, New York. Literallllllly.


MAGIC

Wednesday, October 02, 2024

Bakhtin's carnival

 I'm really interested in this theory that Nawshin mentioned in passing during class, but the best I can do right now so I don't lose track of it and my interest in it for the rest of my teaching career / interactions with literature and social structures is copy and paste the ChatGBT summary of it: 

Mikhail Bakhtin's concept of carnival refers to a social and literary phenomenon that embodies a spirit of playfulness, laughter, and subversion of established norms. In his work, particularly in "Rabelais and His World," Bakhtin explores how carnival allows for a temporary suspension of hierarchies and social conventions. 

During carnival, the usual rules of society are inverted or loosened; it’s a time for freedom, creativity, and the expression of collective identity. This celebration often includes humor, grotesque imagery, and a sense of communal engagement, emphasizing the fluidity of identity and the transformative potential of laughter.

Carnival is not just a physical event but a cultural framework that can influence literature and art, enabling new ways of understanding power, authority, and the self. Bakhtin saw this as a counterpoint to the serious, rigid structures of society, highlighting the importance of dialogue and multiplicity in human experience. 

ummm that's amazing  

Maya and I talking about internal monologues, faith, enneagram 7 manifestations, cerebral vs. visceral dispositions, etc.

 


we both love New York because there is sooooo much & we get to approach like this ^ 

there is so much (ideas, conversations, people, experience) and we it all (enneagram 7 gluttony hello) 

but we do it in different ways but we both just want to experience it all (observing vs. embodying - both in conversation, just with ourselves vs. others). 

Saturday, September 28, 2024

Taking the water cycle question to substack.

 here is what I have so far, in case it doesn't save my draft. 

(this is fun. I wonder if this will become an outlet for the questions and topics that plague me but are a little too off-beat for my normal conversations. alas, until I find my own Jon Caramanica / Joe Coscarelli.) 

Monday, September 23, 2024

internal dialogue questions

internal dialogue = is a person's inner voice or the ongoing stream of thoughts and feelings that occur within a person's mind; a.k.a. inner voice, covert speech, verbal thinking 

 do you talk to yourself? / do you "hear" yourself talk in your head? 

are your thoughts narrated in your head? 

if any random moment in a day, if someone were to ask you, "what are thinking about?" would you have an answer (besides "nothing")? 

are you an internal processor or external processor? 


manic pixie dream girl --> boys able to project onto the "blank slate" of girls with no inner voice 

thought daughter vs thot daughter (Carrie Bradshaw is portrayed as both) 

- how did y'all play make believe? do you daydream? 

BARBIEEEEE. Omg thank you Kate



Natalie - I feel like the unconscious part of me is where I'm daydreaming & stuff, but I'm never that aware of it / it's never that important. ****opposite for me!

Ummmm hello internal dialogue

 Just found out not everyone (LITERALLY LIKE 50% OF PEOPLE) has inner speech / verbal thinking. Wtfffff

This changes literally literally everything 

Wednesday, September 18, 2024

Waitttt this is how I visualize learning

 Figuring something out, verbalizing your thoughts, coming to understand something, doing two of those things at the same time / in convo w someone else, etc. 

in my head it looks like pulling apart an old cooper thick-wired metal sponge thing 



Tuesday, September 17, 2024

Teacher / the magic of nyc

 Why I want to be a teacher isn't really something I can describe because it's a feeling I get when I pass people in the street or think about my grandma and her leg 


And even on days when I have to write this ^ down and on days when I'm about to get my period and feel weighed down by the world and like true innate hopefulness is out of reach, on those same exact days: 

I'm reminded of how wonderful and beautiful life is

This place is the greatest city in the world because of how full of love and humanity and connectedness and creativity it is. I can't walk a single block or step onto any subway car without seeing something that "more of less kills me with delight." 

And I just walked into Duane Reade while typing this - Debbie's song by Ben Rector is playing. I like you 🎶 that one. 

Amen 

Monday, September 09, 2024

my post for Popular Texts class "Gathering The Nets of Immersion"

I noticed Meet Me in the Bathroom by Lizzy Goodman on the reading list (sooo good!), and thought I’d plug what some are saying could be today’s real-time equivalent to Goodman’s early-aught epic – the newsletter Perfectly Imperfect, which similarly memorializes contemporary popular/online culture. With each guest sharing what they are currently into, the newsletter’s founder, Tyler Bainbridge, says it “will probably be the most sprawling cultural document of who and what was cool during the time we’re in right now. It’s like a big artifact of all the personalities from this era.” The newsletter itself is a reflection of our class discussion about how we are “holograms” of all the little pieces of “text” that we carry with us, as each newsletter creates a character portrait of the guest’s interests. I’ll link the newsletter here in case :) https://substack.com/@perfectlyimperfect?r=ytpcb&utm_campaign=profile&utm_medium=profile-page (or on instagram: @perfectlyimperfect.newsletter) 


Last year the founder also programmed a social platform (called PI.FYI) built on the same premise of recommendations. Here’s a link to the NYT article about it if you’re interested! https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/21/style/perfectly-imperfect-newsletter.html 

“This is the internet as a medium coming full circle,” said Zizi Papacharissi, a professor of communications at the University of Illinois Chicago and the editor of the academic journal Social Media & Society. “It was built around small communities structured around niche markets and niche tastes.”

In this context, PI.FYI is an attempt to build a social network that rediscovers the internet’s early promise of connection, without the creeping sense of homogeneity that has resulted from years of algorithm-driven growth.


The newsletter and the app feel like snapshots of this moment in online culture, full of “text” that reflect both today’s focus on esoteric individuality and the community found in online subcultures. 


 

Thursday, September 05, 2024

Notes from me compiling my interests in case I got asked on FDOCs

 The resurgent dominance of female pop-stars this summer - coupled with the dominance of female greatness at the Olympics. Coming on the heels of Barbie summer, this summer seems like the cultural cup is brimming with female greatness, creating a really interesting stage for the election this November —> interested in how (at least from my perspective, from my own pocket of popular culture that I interact with) it seems like girlhood (and even queer) culture is reaching a dominant point 

In age of information - when you can know anything - how do we encourage students to learn a curriculum? 

Everyone knows about the 20-year trend cycle that's the rule for fashion (how long it takes for something to go out of style and become fashionable again) but what happens now, with a culture that's so deeply knowing? How do elements like irony, satire, homage, spoof, being lore-obsessed, all converge to mark our distinctly Gen Z cultural creations & interactions. META nature 

Y2K, Indie Sleaze, this time marked by the burgeoning internet 

  • how do mass cultural events shape these moments & maybe even usher them in - i.e., 9/11, Covid 
  • What does this mean for the writing coming out of our time - can we achieve the authenticity we yearn for when it's masked in irony and meta-narratives and satire? Or maybe even will that authenticity be achieved by using unconventional methods more in tune with Gen Z mentality? Are they at odds, or working together? 
  • And what trends emerge as a result of these cultural trends that are simultaneously cyclical and mounting? 
  • We are at a point where scholars and journalists are analyzing the “water” that contextualized the culture that we are effectively living within a re-run of. How does that shape our understanding of & relationship to our “water”? 

How do we use literature as a way of showing kids that they can be a part of it too? 


What are your current literacy interest(s)? This could include particular literacy practices, theories, frameworks, methodologies, etc.

Connecting literacy and popular culture/the online landscape of contemporary culture-making; Linguistic bias in education & the integration of vernacular systems in education 


Monday, September 02, 2024

Popular Texts Class with Dr. Ruth Vinz

 I'm so excited for my class w Dr. Vinz! I'm sure it's gonna be hard and a lot of work but just reading over the syllabus, even with a headache that's limiting me to cursory glances of each sentence, I AM SO EXCITED! It is so cool that I am so deeply interested in these topics, and I'm getting to study them in a formal and structured setting. Soooo awesome. Meet Me In The Bathroom is even one of the books listed for this first week's topic. Hellllo. That's awesome. Thanks God for bringing me here. Who would have thought. 

Thursday, August 29, 2024

Everything Everywhere All At Once

( I just saw my second fav movie of all time in 70mm IMAX)

The concept itself, the editing, the PERFORMANCES OF THESE ACTORS! How could you top it? Its movie magic is so intense that it's almost distracting because of how it makes you stop to be like "how?" and start kinda daydreaming about what it must have been like to be on the team of people who created and shot this movie. So many people on the same, absurd page. 


No other movie makes me feel like this. 


There's this feeling you get sometimes when reading a book - it always makes me shut the book or put it down where it is - it's this heavy feeling in your chest (I think that's resonance and/or some sort of empathy being evoked) but it's a heaviness that also somehow similar easily feels like floating. This movie makes me feel this feeling over and over. Goodness. "Moving" isn't the right word for it. How rare is it for something to open your eyes to the world around you - to the life that you're living - and instantly open you up to it. To change your mind about it. Maybe that lightness that it creates is what makes the heaviness still feel like floating. Gosh, it's wonderful. 


This place (nyc) is so aware of how everyone is human & has a life of their own

Place where ppl flock all searching for meaning for their lives 

And it's beautiful because it's already in them 


We literally only live once 

= everything matters & nothing matters 


I need CONFIDENCE! People will like me. I will have fun. It's not that awkward or weird 

"Right" is a tiny box created for people who are afraid 


There are no rules

Sunday, August 11, 2024

Fairytales

Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated. – Rachel Held Evans in "The Beast" chapter of Inspired 

Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Girl culture is dominate culture

 First time in history? 

🎶A change is gonna come🎶

Barbie 

Eras Tour 

Pop Girl Summer 

Brat Summer 

Leah having more followers than Rob even feels significant 

SIMONE BILES. 

Ilona Maher & the rugby team

Michael Phelps just said on the NBC broadcast that Katie Ledecky would beat him (the "undisputed goat") when they would train together  

And Kamala 


Men are certainly invited to come along for the ride, we're just driving now 

(Ken, Travis Kelce, drag queens, George/AG/the Dare, Rob, Jonathan Owens, Steve the pommel horse specialist, Doug Emhoff, etc.) 

What's girl & what's gay is what is in. Culture is being shaped by us more than by straight men for the first time maybe. We should prob gear up bc any time this momentum has started men have like burned us on stakes or invented things like the Cult of True Womanhood 

Brace yourself ladies. Power + control + camaraderie + compassion is soooo scary combo for men to behold. 

And wear shoes 😉💋💋💋😘

Thursday, July 25, 2024

Hamilton the musical

 The way I feel when listening to Hamilton alone in my car... specifically during Daveed Diggs' performance during Guns and Ships or during Leslie Odom Jr.'s performance in any number... 


Everyone deserves to feel something like that. Everyone 


The moment of the first you process the weight of Eliza singing "I established the first private orphanage in New York City." That is cinematic and it is novelic because it is STORY in its utmost form and SHE is the crux of the entire musical. The entire thing. All of its history. Sounds like a certain book I know that has a character named Mary Magdalene ❤️ 

Saturday, July 20, 2024

Meeee

 Tension between deeply desiring to be unproblematic as a person but also being super afraid of being boring from a young age 

Thursday, July 18, 2024

Really huge tension in my personhood

I do take things seriously, but I don't take myself seriously


(Trust in question) 

Part of why I am not interested

I think I'm supposed to be great in a way that boys that can't see. So the thought of a boy liking me freaks me out bc it's like ? 

I'm for the girls 

Wednesday, July 17, 2024

The matter of speech

 It's crazy and it's sad that both men and women are taught that instinctually, what women have to say is not necessarily important, and what men have to say, instantly, is. The horror 


It's so evident in politics, in random social settings, in family dealings, 

And in me. 

Likeeee what do y'all think I talk so fast...? 

And the amount of unnecessary things that men say & that yet go unchecked by their own mental filter bc they think that any thought they have is worth their breath & everyone's time. Reddit is a war zone 

Why do you think ESPN shows are almost all debate style, while women's talk shows are conversational? It's not that different to be discussing the career of an athlete or an actress. Arguments can be made about the merits of either - so why does only one choose this format...?

I wonder how many more art, music, & literary critics are male than female 

Tuesday, July 16, 2024

Viramontes' quote about fiction

 FICTION: “For me, I think fiction is as close as I can get to truth…” Going into the unknown - she’s engaging not only with her own imagination, but she is also inviting us to be a part of it. Toni Morrison - the “dancing of the minds” - happens between the reader and the writer. Someone in a different part of the world can read a piece and feel something for it and understand something about it.

Ummmm need to live life like this everyday

 Get out my shell 

& Live fully 





Tuesday, July 09, 2024

CL Forever

 I am soooo thankful. So so thankful. To have grown up alongside these girls. Despite all the change in our lives over the past 5 years, we still just get each other. We love each other so fervently and loyally, even if from a distance. It's something really special. It's special that we can be so different, yet love so. 

Saturday, June 29, 2024

Steven Siegel's photography

"I am, first and foremost, a street photographer. And the opportunities for street photography in New York are limitless. The New York street is a bubbling cauldron of potential images for anyone with a camera. The New York street is a meeting place; it is a theatrical stage; it is a forum for political protest; it is a marketplace; it is a social laboratory; it is an emergency room; it is home. I think that it is no exaggeration to say that New York street is the epicenter of random interpersonal human contact among diverse population groups in the United States ... and maybe even the world."
– Steven Siegel 

Sunday, June 16, 2024

First Pres Hickory Livestream with Grandma

"You have never had an ordinary moment in your life, because every moment shimmers with grace, if only we will see it. 

"God made humans because God loves stories." – Elie Wiesel 

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Today is the day Maddie Joyner changes



Our day and age is so self-referential that I think it has made a monster out of me. 

This will be the summer I learn to loosen my grip on things that don't matter. In 60 years, it won't matter to me whether or not I was able to record every single little thought I had while I was 23. But it will matter to me if I lived fully and lightly and freely. I need to give myself fully to these moments that make up my life. I can't be one step ahead trying to record them or one step behind trying to observe them. I need to be inside of them. There won't be anything to remember if I'm not there to experience it – to feel it – in the first place. 

Friday, May 31, 2024

Me

 


Jeb's 8th grade graduation

 Middle school girl crying, totally shocked that she just received the Northview Hawks Character Award after Marley spent 3 full minutes explaining what a wonderful person and student she is. That is why I wanna be a teacher 

The opportunity to see kids & let them know that someone notices 

Also Jeb's chorus teacher crying over them leaving and singing along with them to For Good from Wicked 

Friday, May 17, 2024

Talking Heads tribute album came out today

 There is something so romantic about the song This Must Be The Place. I can't put my finger on it but there is something just soo so lovely in a romantic way about its lyrics & the way it sounds & the way it makes you feel

(Also. Is it the best song of all time? Maybs) 

Wednesday, May 08, 2024

the movie Challengers

Hyper-fixation is a disease but it is so funnnnn to be consumed by something sometimes. 

Like the rush I had a few weeks ago when I couldn't stop thinking about all the connections between Taylor Swift and the 1975's discographies. Or when I couldn't put down Sylvia Plath's collected journals.

Or like this week, when Challengers is all I'm thinking about. Mike Faist. 

Even just yesterday Syd Gon and I recounted a convo I had previously had with someone about how if I happened to not be fixated on and deeply invested in Taylor Swift lore, there are sooo many conversations happening all around me that I would miss out on. Even just in my immediate community, so much conversation is propelled by our shared interests. It's so awesome. (Like Linley and I lingering in the parking lot of the high school after lunches just to talk about Hamilton on every Monday for weeks on end.) And like I can't wait to hang out with Syd Gon today because saw Challengers last night and chats like this are what make life feel so full and fun and like we are all connected - what art is for. Boys act like they don't understand how we all care but it's really no different from sports, right? And plus, yardy know that I live by the idea that things that are popular aren't popular on accident. Nothing becomes a cliche because it isn't true. And nothing becomes "basic" or "mainstream" because it isn't good. 

There is something so intellectually satisfying about a deep-dive into a topic. Watching press tour videos after Challengers?! It feels like a physiological need. 


Anywho, just like that movie is a testament to what happens when you become consumed by something, i think I'm due for a wake up call somewhere along the way. I need to try micro-dosing fixations, or at least hyper-fixating in moderation. I don't like when I feel like I actually can't tug my brain away from a topic when I'm in conversation with someone else. Even if I want to bring it up, I shouldn't have to. And, of course, the subtext of this paragraph is that I feel myself actively choosing my little hyper-fixations over time with Jesus. Picking up my Emily Henry book instead of my Bible. Making time for TikTok research but not for prayer.

Thursday, May 02, 2024

Nanny McPhee

 When I say "my Nanny McPhee philosophy" as a response to someone wanting something - found out that Law of Detachment is prob what I mean. Just needed to record

Friday, April 26, 2024

Trinket Dish

 I am a scrapbook box of myself. Snapshots and stickers and stationery waiting to be fused together and admired. That sounds so dramatic. But really, I am a trinket dish of myself. Collecting things about me that I find to be noteworthy, interesting, and – maybe most of all – endearing. It's like walking into a young woman's childhood bedroom and yanking open the untouched junk-drawer of her bedside table. My brain has been trained to pick up these souvenirs and seashells, constantly searching the ground for a lucky penny. I think it's because no one (read: no boy) has ever been "interested" in me, so in attempt to convince myself of my own fabulosity, I have spent 20 years collecting tidbits and recording proof. 

I feel like it makes sense when you think about it that way. Why I am this way 

I guess in the back of my head I'm thinking, "well, one day, I'll have to catch someone up to speed." 




Wednesday, April 17, 2024

Sunday, April 14, 2024

One Day by David Nicholls

I seem to always cry at the thought of someone loving the things about me that I love about myself. 


Anywho I just finished One Day and boy WHAT a great book. Just great 


Update: i'm thinking about this book on May 8th, 2024 because I was writing in my One Line A Day journal and had the "oh no what if I need to save this margin because something crazy and life-changing happens on this day next year?" thought. That's why One Day is so awesome. A book constructed around the idea that a day is just a day until it's not just another day. My compulsion to record my daily life might end up teaching me really cool things about how intricately orchestrated God has made our lives. Who knows, maybe May 8th in 30 years will end up being the best day of my life. Maybe I'll have a kid on that day, have a student say something life-alteringly kind to me, or maybe something tragic will happen. Literally, whoooo knows. God does - which is awesome. Thank you God for books as great as One Day and thank you God for knowing what direction every passing year will lead us when taking inventory on any given date of the year. 


Friday, April 12, 2024

God is in New York City

 People always talk about how big cities are such "dark" places to live, but to me i see God all around this place. It's like the Love Actually opening quote – you just don't have to look that hard to find love here. I, personally, don't have to look that hard to find God here. So why would I go anywhere else? 

Literally while I'm typing this I just passed a couple handing water bottles and apples to a homeless man on the street. And all around me there is art and sound and story and truth and I want to be a part of it all. 

I just looked up on the subway and there's an adult man holding a teddy bear and a little girl giggling playing with her older brother. Does the love not outweigh the bad? Always? Isn't that the story we all cling to?

Thankful for the conversation I just had moments ago with Carson Walker about how it's uncool / hard to admit to being Christian (especially one from the South) when you're living in a city of cynics and you already have a heart that leans toward skepticism and a mind that leans toward critical thinking. And about what it was like for her to transition from a year post-grad that was similar to mine and then to find such encouraging church community & teachings here in the city. Hooray 

Monday, April 08, 2024

Psalm 90

 Dave read at leadership last night: 

”Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.“

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭90‬:‭12‬-‭17‬ ‭NIV‬‬


Also this quote

" "

What's crazy is that

Not everyone feels the compulsive need to record every thought they have and every day that they live... ???

Like damn bitch (enviously), you live like this? Just living day to day, taking it as it comes...? Not force-feed style processing every event and emotion or lack thereof? Oh



(Do I have OCD?)

I have to be a teacher because

 I care too much about the random passerby person that I can't hold it inside and somehow being a teacher feels like doing something about that care. 

Just talked to Bella Turner & it's the same way she talked about knowing she was meant to be on Clarke Central's team. It's the voice in my head that says "you have to be a teacher" when I see a lonely looking person walking in the grocery store. 

I should probably re-read The Secret Life of Bees soon. I feel like that probably connects in some way.

Also the solar eclipse just happened that was awesome. I'm so glad I was at Sunroof with Bella and Reid and Alex when it happened. 

Anywho also just thought about how a lot of my life, especially college years, has been me fighting how much I care. Trying to be casual and to play by how I thought other people feel and live. And so I think and I hope that teaching will be a great channel for my care. What's so bad about taking things seriously? To me it's fun. 

Tuesday, March 26, 2024

Re: Stories

LITURGY BEFORE BEGINNING A BOOK

Author of Life and Author of My Life, 


As I begin the reading of this book,

give me a sensitivity to listen, 

not just to the story told, 

but to the responses of my own heart 

to what I encounter in these pages.


What does it draw out of me?

What joy?

What longing?

What fears?

What temptation?

What hope?

What mirth?

What love of beauty?

What awe?

What wonder?

What doubt?

What faith?

What resolve?

What unfinished grief?

What untended wound?


Give me ears to hear, O Spirit of God, 

what notes the reading of this story would strike 

and what melody it would draw forth 

from the tuned strings of my own soul.


Waste no moment in my brief years, O Lord.

Let all things, and this book as well, 

be as tools in your hands,

to shape me and make me more truly your own, 

more fitly a child of the hope 

of the restoration of all things in Christ 

whose fullness dwells within them.


So let the honest responses 

of my heart to this reading 

grant new insight into the story

your grace is already telling in my own life 

that I might be a more willing co-laborer 

in that process.


Amen.




LAMENT UPON THE FINISHING OF A BELOVED BOOK 

I am stirred and saddened, O Lord, 

in coming to this tale's end, 

to bid farewell and return now 

from my sojourn in that storied place 

where longings for something 

more than the life I lead 

were wakened.


It is in the receding glow of that small, 

bright sorrow that I now linger.


Let it do its work in me,

inviting me to dig beneath these 

fresh-stirred longings, to see

that their roots are not at last a longing

for the places depicted in these pages, 

but are, in truth, 

profound and holy wounds,

yearnings for a lost garden and a more 

perfect city, where justice and righteousness 

are restored, and harms are healed, and losses 

redeemed, and love proved true, 

and earth and heaven reconciled.


What I feel is, at its heart, a homesick hope 

for a place of unbroken communion 

with my Creator, and with his people, 

and with all of his creation.

What I most desire

is to open my eyes and find that, 

for the first time in my life, 

I am home and breathing

the wild winds of my native land.


So of course my heart aches 

each time I receive these beautiful,  

distant rumors of that far country!


Of course I do not want such a story to end,  

for it has wedged open for me  

a way like a window, 

through which I have glimpsed

a vision of things more as they will one day be 

than as they now are in these hard 

and sorrowing lands of our exile.


Thank you, O my God, 

for loving me enough 

that you would rouse

my deepest desires again through story, 

appointing these longings as true signposts 

planted in a war-torn and cratered landscape, 

reminding me that all of history 

is leading at last

    to a king and a kingdom, 

and pointing me ever onward toward 

his righteous and eternal city.


May I return now

from the world of this book 

to the daily details of my own life 

with truer vision and fiercer hope, 

trailing with me

remnants of that coming glory

I have glimpsed again 

in story.


Amen.